stupid, germy kids.

i just started my third week of student teaching and though things are going pretty well, i've managed to get what i'm sure will be the first of many killer colds. schools are germ factories and with my schedule what it is, i'm just totally run down. hoping to get over this quick...right now i'm drinking cold care p.m. tea and digesting a capful of nyquil. my head just hit my fingers as i typed from the sheer wiping out power of the combo, which is good considering i haven't had a decent nights sleep in weeks.

ok, enough belly-aching. last friday was tony's birthday (yay!!!) but he and i both worked, which kind of sucked. however, i did make a sneaky stop at target (thank you to my supervising teacher for letting me flee the building early to do so) and picked up a bunch of cool stuff to deck the place out. when he got home at one in the morning, a beautiful banana cream pie (a favorite) was sitting on the coffee table ablaze with candles, surrounded by bowls of his fave chips, bday presents and a cheery happy birthday themed room. he was pleased to say the least which makes me happier than i can even say. it's all wanted, for him to be somewhat happy on his birthday. normally that's not too much to ask, but this year is different...

ok. must go to bed now. nyquil really kicking in, snot dripping from my nose (tmi?) and head throbbing like it was just kicked by a donkey. i think my lymph nodes are the size of cherry bombs about to pop. and no, mom, if you're reading this, i am NOT going to the doctor. for one thing, when would i? and for another, this too shall pass.

goodnight.

life.

my husband has returned home and i'm so glad. trying to get life back to normal around here, whatever that might be. found a few moments this past weekend to take some pictures.
everything's so busy right now, for both of us. it's nice to stop and just look around once in a while. tomorrow is my mom's birthday. happy birthday a day early, mom. i won't tell how old you are, that's my gift to you.

missing my better half.

silence.

my mother-in-law had so many friends. at her visitation, person after person, both friends and family, stood and spoke into a microphone to share their stories and memories about mimi. they were funny and heartfelt and each one brought tears to my eyes.

the next day at the funeral, hundreds attended to say goodbye to mimi. the funeral was really the most beautiful i'd ever been to, if i can say such a thing. my in-laws are a very musical family, and the "family choir" sang edelweiss, the notes reverberating against the high church ceiling. i get goosebumps just writing about it.

even more difficult to think about is the eulogy my husband delivered, acknowledging the woman who'd had such a profound affect on his life; on the man he'd become. never have i been so proud of him, not like this. never have i been more sure of my commitment to him and of how grateful i am to be his wife.

the day following the funeral, the family, both immediate and extended (which is all immediate in this clan) gathered at the family farm, far in the woods around a campfire where they have gathered many times before. they go there to celebrate life and loss, to celebrate the changing of the leaves, the beginning of deer hunting season, and just about any other reason you can come up with.

always when they are there, eventually the music begins. i'm so jealous of their family, because even the "worst" of the bunch musically, are many times better than myself, and they harmonize better than any singing group i've ever heard. i've had the pleasure to be witness to this beautiful family's musicality many times and have always enjoyed being a part of it all.

this time there was no singing...there was laughter, and sadness; remembrance and fun...but no singing. i think it's because mimi wasn't there. she seems to always be the one to get the music going. it seemed very quiet out there in the woods that day.

mimi.

how on earth do you sum up somebody's life in just an hour long funeral and a few hundred pictures. especially someone with so much of a story, so much life to tell about. i never knew my mother-in-law mimi when she was young, when she was a teen, or when she was a young wife and mother. but i did get to know her very well over the past four years and i can say, without a doubt, that i am a better person for having done so.

mimi taught me so much about living life for the moment and not sweating the small stuff, which, i know sounds like a cliche since so many people say it's sage advice, but rarely does anyone really live by it. mimi did. she always said i say "i'm sorry" too much, and my husband tells me the same. i'm going to stop being sorry so dang much, stop feeling regret, because as i learned in the past couple weeks, life is so very, very short.

after living, and i do mean LIVING, with cancer for the last six years, mimi passed away saturday morning, the 25th of august. i think she's at peace with it, i really do, and if anyone is going to go out on their own terms, it would be mimi. tony and i, his sisters and their families, all headed to bemidji to bid a fond farewell to a woman so many people loved, cherished, learned from and believed in. it will be hard to get used to life without her around.

we will keep her in our hearts and honor her by showing each other love, by fighting for what we believe in and for never, ever, taking for granted any moment of any day.

today it was so sunny and beautiful. she would have loved it. at the end of her life, mimi lost her vision, but where she is now i believe her sight has been returned and was able to enjoy that same beautiful sunset i watched tonight.

i will miss her very much.

dysfunctional. d-y-s-f-u-n-c-t-i-o-n-a-l.

my parents bring a smile to my face, even in a sad time such as this, when we are all trying to move forward after losing sadie. i sent the link for my blog to them today; until now they never knew it existed (and i'm still not sure dad knows what a blog is...).

i called them tonight on my way home from work and they both told me that the last entry, the one about losing our sadie, brought them both to puddles of tears just as it did for me as i wrote it. dad swears his keyboard is officially waterlogged.

now, something you should know...after sadie, i am the most perfect one in the family. at least in my parents eyes. even when i mess up, they are proud of how i recover from my mistakes. so of course, after reading the blog entry about sadie, they decided i am a brilliant writer and probably should be published. they forwarded it on to the relatives so that they may also get a brief glimpse at moi, the rising star. (remember, i'm speaking for my folks people, i really do have the slightest bit of modesty...)

anyway, i told them not to make such a big deal about the blog, that it's just an online diary and, to quote bridgette jones, everyone knows diaries are filled with crap. too true. but the more i said don't make a big deal about it, the bigger deal it became and so on, to the point were my mom was calling my aunt to make sure she didn't read any other entries, and my dad asking if my brother knows about it and, if not, should he not say anything?

yowza. we know how to make things complicated. long story short, this is my blog and it goes out to millions of people, if they so choose to view it, so obviously i'm not going to say anything too incriminating or embarrassing, etc. (not that there is anything like that; remember, i'm perfect). i don't care who reads it. love it or leave it, i say.

personally, i think my parents will love it.

the last thing i said to my mom was that i had to go now so i could make fun of my parents in my latest blog entry. she said, "do you know how to spell dysfunctional?" and i said yes, i'm planning to use the word at least three times.

one more just for luck...dysfunctional.

love you mom & dad.