are you feeling philisophical?

because i'm not. and that's what i'm supposed to be writing my 8-10 page paper about for my current class; school and society: my educational philosophy. at the beginning of the course, all the students took a "test". i compare it to something you might find at tickle.com, like "what's your cat's true identity" or my favorite, "who's your hollywood match" (though i haven't actually taken that one since the late 90's and at the time it was will smith. my guess is that it may have changed somewhat since then...)

anyway, this is not to belittle my professor, as i think he's quite interesting and might be on the brilliant side. just for the record, he is, among his many other degrees, phd's, and assorted other impressive whats-its, a therapist as well. if he weren't my teacher, i might make an appointment with him to work out some obvious issues. but this test was so cryptic and had 90 questions all of which were sooo ambiguous, and i know your supposed to read fast and answer with the first thing that comes to your mind, but come on! when the first half of the statement or question is saying the opposite of the second half, how can you really give one response to it?

needless to say, in the end enlightenment did not come. there are five educational philosophies to "choose" from: idealism, essentialism, pragmatism, existentialism and behaviorism. after i completed this torturous test, which was supposed to reveal my true philosophical outlook, and added up the points it turns out (surprise, surprise) that it didn't really tell me jack shit.

i scored equally lowest in the first two (idealism and essentialism) and equally highest in the next two (pragmatism and existentialism). i scored, as you may have guessed, right in the middle of the two with behaviorism, which makes sense because it is a newer philosophy that easily "blends" with all of the others. blah. i know you must be bored reading this (i'm bored writing it) but i don't care. i have to share this misery with someone.

all this really tells me is that i am a young, inexperienced teacher just starting out in the world of public education and have not yet developed my own, personal educational philosophy. so how the heck am i supposed to ramble on for 8-10 pages, with conviction and multiple citations, about an educational philosophy i'm not even sure about yet?

oh. i guess i just kind of did that, in a smaller, rough draft kind of way.

ok then. back to my homework. if anyone has any suggestions along these lines, i'm more than willing to listen. for the time being, i'm calling myself a pragmatic existentialist. sounds fancy and interesting. like i should be debating and hypothesizing at my local coffee shop with my peers. god that sounds horrible at the moment. isn't there a scrubs re-run on right about now?

it's late.

as i lie awake in bed with my husband sleeping soundly next to me (snoring, i might add) i am thinking about how hard this whole marriage thing can be. not that it's not worth it, all the hard work, because it is. but i may need to resort to some outside help to get a handle on it all.

nothing is really so bad. i just can't figure out how to smooth out the rough parts of our relationship. when my husband and i first started dating, my friends, even he and i, commented on how very different we were from one another. he is a totally social animal to the max; i am very happy right here at home most every night of every week. he has oh, i don't know, something like a million close friends. i have enough to count on about one hand. he thrives on unpredictability and fast paced situations; i am a worrier who is not terribly fond of change and one of my favorite things to do is just curl up with a good book and a fat cat.

not that we don't have things in common. we do. and the things we do have in common are really important. goals. we want so many of the same things out of life, we just have slightly different ways of wanting to get there.

in a way, the things that make us so different are the things that attract me to him. but they can also be the things that lead to fighting or passive-aggressive feelings about a weekly golf league that involves 27 holes of golf and i can't even imagine how many pint of beer.

but we're settling into this whole marriage thing. it will take time and probably a few more nights where i will have to sit here and ramble aimlessly about something to bring on the zzz's. not unlike those nights where he watches endless infomercials on the couch in the living room so the little t.v. in our bedroom won't keep me awake. (though his sleepless nights are a teensy more risky considering the last time that happened i woke him on the couch at around five in the morning asking him to come to bed and sleepily, and proudly, confessed to me that he had just called and ordered a windsor pilates dvd ala daisy fuentes and that i'll be able to drop a dress size in just ten days when it arrives.) he does have his charming moments...

long story short, i'm totally committed to this man; my best friend. my wedding was, by far, the best day of my life. and not just because it went off without a hitch (when does that happen anyway?!) but also because he swore that he would always love and keep me, till death do us part, and because i swore the same. and we both meant it.

even if he does smell like beer and wet dog after a day of golf with the guys. maybe tomorrow i'll try some windsor pilates. after all, it did come with the official windsor pilates sculpting circle for free-a $30 value.

wow, i am a lucky girl.

five weeks post op.

you know your life is nothing to write home about when you spend a half hour trying to find the best hairstyle and outfit for your yahoo! avatar. for those of you who aren't as lame as me, the avatar is the little illustrated person that appears when you open your mail. it's supposed to represent you, so i take that very seriously. there are dozens of faces, hairstyles, hair colors, backgrounds, clothes, etc to choose from and why would anyone care in the first place? most probably wouldn't but i hate to be misrepresented (and i've got nothing better to do at the moment...)

actually, that's not totally true. i have a huge paper to write for my last class and though it's not due for a few weeks, it took me about two hours just to make the outline so... i guess i could be working on that. but this is more fun.

i just got back from my "five weeks post operative" appointment at the neurosurgeon. my surgery (re-exploration of a hemi-laminectomy aka: my second back surgery) went well and i guess i'm healing "normally", though normally means i'm in pain most of the time, can't exercise, and may die of boredom within, oh, hours. i know, i'm sounding a bit whiny, but my hubby didn't have time to listen to it, so you all get to. sorry.

i got the word today that i will be returning to work starting in just under a week (part time at first) so that will be a change of scenery. a bad change. not that i don't like my job, it's ok. and i love the people i work with, but the fact is that there are no windows in our small and cubicle-cramped workspace and the florescent lights make my head hurt. wah.

on a happy note, one of my sis-in-law's just had a baby (their third girl! oh how i pity them just for the teenage years alone...) and she's adorable, of course. it's exciting because this is the first one of all the babies born to my sis-in-laws that i was officially an aunt (because of the whole being married into the family and all). so that's neat. i have a nephew on my side of the family, but he's my brother's kid (and is beyond perfect in every way, in case you were wondering) so i was automatically his auntie whether he liked it or not. lucky kid.

he's coming through this way in august to visit (with my brother and his wife of course, but come on, who am i really going to give all my love and attention to...) and i can't wait to spoil him and smother him in smooches.

at least today my neuro guy loosened up on my weight lifting restrictions, so on this visit i'll be able to pick him up. yay for me! hope he can run fast or i might end up like that old bugs bunny cartoon where the abominable snowman squeezes daffy & bugs tightly with love... "and i will call him george and i will hug him and pet him..." a total classic. ya, that's pretty much me.

slacker.

i had back surgery in june and really can't do much, even though it's been a few weeks. this is the second one i've had and the recovery is a bit more challenging (and painful!). i have many restrictions about what i can and can't do having to do with things like how much weight i can lift, how long i can walk or sit or lie down, etc. i can't really exercise, not in a "burning calories" kind of way, more of a "let's walk around the block once or twice and then eat an ice cream sandwich" kind of way. on top of it, i can't work go back to work yet. i am taking a summer course at school, my last one before sudent teaching starts, so that keeps me a little busy.

but i'm getting pretty bored and am feeling very worthless.

with all of that being said, you'd think i'd be typing away on my blog daily, maybe even hourly, passing the time telling stories or posting pictures or gossiping about people you may or may not know.

but no. i have not posted a thing in days, many days. and for that, i apologize. (not to assume anyone's been missing me, but i feel kind of responsible to keep this thing slightly interesting now i've started it.)

ok. speaking of exciting, my very awesome friend jay, and his total cutie of a fiance sam, have recently returned from a fun trip to the big easy. there are lot's of pictures posted on jay's blog and so i've been passing the time looking at them. you should see the size of the gators! not to mentinon the spiders down there! ewwww! i would love to visit new orleans someday. jay and sam went with jay's grandma, who is soooo cool (i've never even met her in person, imagine how smitten with her i'd be if i did meet her!)

i'm pretty jealous. i need a vacation. a vacation from lying around my house.

by the way, i started a book that i really can't put down (i'm actually typing as fast as possible in order to finish this post so i can go read some more...) it's the glass castle by jeanette walls. an amazing memoir. read it and it will be a long time before you stand in front of your kitchen cupboard complaining that you have nothing to eat...

making biscuits...

tonight i was sitting in our "guest room" (which is our guest/computer/junk/extra clothes that don't fit in our closet/crafting and all things fantasy football related room...) and i was watching you tube because i have to clean the house and would rather be wasting quality time instead.

my husband walked in while i was watching this video and he said, "oh my god, you are the only person i know who can sit for hours watching videos of kittens and laugh hysterically because of it". then he rolled his eyes and left the room.

now i ask you, is there something so crazy about what i am doing? is it wrong that cute overload is one of my favorite websites EVER and that i when i am feeling the need for unconditional love i just go lie on the be with my cats? please, tell me if i'm crazy. i won't change at all, but i'd still like to know...

p.s. tony also says i'm "all puppies and rainbows". i take that as a compliment, thank you very much.

did you hear that?

ok, so this will only mean something to those who were lucky enough to see "the grudge" (the first one, not the second, the second one was stooooopid, but according to the clerk at movie gallery, so was the first. anyway...)

we have a window air conditioner in our bedroom. it's not bad, unless a) you run it on low instead of high because it rattles and makes all kinds of loud interesting noises or b) you are one inch or more away from the bedroom because then the house is a friggin' sauna. i digress. last night at about 3-ish a.m. i woke from a dead sleep to hear a strange noise coming from my window a.c. unit. usually i sleep through the noises because, as i said, many a noise it makes. but this noise was new and distinct and i instantly recognized it as the same noise the scary, black-haired, dead and strangled girl makes in the "the grudge". now if you have seen the movie, you are currently peeing your pants with fear and excitement. please excuse yourself and move on to the next paragraph.

upon hearing the noise, i got out of bed and ran to the a.c. unit to stop the scary dead girl from crawling out of the vents, as any rational person would do. no care for the comfort of my loved one's sleep, only for his safety and mine, i turned the various knobs on the a.c. and tried to make the noise stop. eventually, it did seem to quiet and i dozed to sleep with my pillow over my head, afraid to shower in the morning for a fear that a pair of hands would would wiggle forth from the back of my head... (again, had to see the movie).

i called my brother this morning to share my horrifying story with him, i knew he would totally appreciate it. he has a wife and a toddler and he said my story is nothing. he said, "try being alone in a house where most of the inanimate objects talk or giggle when they feel like it". last night, he was home alone watching t.v. in the basement den. when he came upstairs to turn in, it was completely dark, all the lights off. he walked by the fridge and a small child's voice giggled "hi there!". he said he expected a small rubber ball to come rolling slowly down the hallway toward him. turns out it was one of his my nephew's toys that hangs magnetically on the fridge. i'm sure it's very cute by day, but don't these toy companies think of the poor, overworked adults who watch movies like "the changeling" and then have to live their lives like they will never have to deal with the living dead? i mean really...

p.s. i have this far avoided taking a shower this morning as my a.c. unit seems to be looking at me funny.

thanks for the memories...

while i sat reading sam's latest blog entry, i was reminded of two things. the first, and most important, is that no matter how much time you spend with your family, never take them for granted - they won't always be there.

my parents were just here in the twin cities, staying at my house with me, my husband and the two cats, for oh, about ten days. it was a long time but i needed the help. after all, i'd just had major back surgery and my tony (the hubby) is only one man, after all. but by their last day here, i'll admit that i was helping them pack up the roof rack.

now that they're gone, of course i'm sad and replaying all the awful ways i mistreated them. not thanking my mom for repotting a plant that needed it, getting frustrated that my dad can't hear, AT ALL, not even with his hearing aids turned up all the way, snapping at them because i was in pain, not because they did anything wrong. etc etc etc. they take it all in stride, of course, cuz i'm their kid and they totally love me.

my point is, i love them. and even if they sometimes get on my last nerve, they are my life's blood, i would be no where without them and i owe them my life. i hope that they know that. thanks, sam, for reminding me. sometimes it takes a friend...

oh ya, the second thing sam's post reminded me of: I MISS PROJECT RUNWAY. god help me, i really miss it! i can live without cable, in fact i do, everyday. but some things are just irreplaceable...oh andre, what did happen to andre?